I'm more of a writer than an actor, and I used to say that I'm mostly an improviser, though I haven't improvised in awhile.

Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.

Once or twice a week I would set my alarm for six A.M. so I could get up and plug in Hot Stix...I would study the curls in the mirror, impressed with both the appliance and my newfound ability to use it. Then, without fail, at the last second before leaving for school, I would ask myself, "Am I supposed to brush it out or leave it?" Why could I never remember" That feeling of "I'm pretty sure this next step is wrong, but I'm just gonna do it anyway" is part of the same set of instincts that makes me such a great cook.

I was ten. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day, but I knew from commercials that one's menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn't blue, so... I ignored it for a few hours.

Never tell a crazy person he’s crazy.

I don't want to be somebody else.

Sometimes when you're doing a comedy, the director will yell out "alts" and then the director gets the first laugh.