It's hard to get laughs when you're new.

The more New Yorkers like something, the more disgusted they are. "The kitchen was all Sub-Zero: I want to kill myself. The building has a playroom that makes you want to break your own jaw with a golf club. I can't take it.

I don't like my feet. I'm not crazy about anybody's feet. But I have flat feet.

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

Your characters should be as smart as you are, if not smarter.

When I was going to school in, like, '84 to '88, you didn't have cell phones. There was no e-mail, if you can wrap your brain around that.

A new study suggests that middle-aged adults who go on periodic drinking binges may face a heightened risk of dementia later on in life. The study is entitled, 'National Strategy for Victory in Iraq.'