In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history's worst decisions [...].

My problem with the traditional acting method was that I never understood what you were supposed to be thinking about when you're onstage.

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh.

I'm married, you know. I love my husband and I have a child.

It's not vanity, because if you look weird, it will distract from what your trying to do. If you look as good as you can, people will be able to pay attention to what your actually saying.

You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person's nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: "No, I'm a person. You can't fix my underpants on the subway."

Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.