You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: "Hey, this isn't the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don't know how much longer I'm going to have!"

Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

I'm still technically employed by the National Broadcasting Company.

I believe in process. I believe that having a really difficult process is more valuable than a good outcome.

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.