There are no mistakes only opportunities.

There should be a new, more honest euphemism. Like, I'm leaving office because I plan to solicit more anonymous sex in bathrooms.

Whenever you see me, I'm on antique quaaludes.

I don't like my feet. I'm not crazy about anybody's feet. But I have flat feet.

I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.

I want to spend time with Oprah and I don't know what I need to do to make that happen.

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria's Secret. There would be no Dior.