In spite of really intense competition for the job, I'm still my own worst enemy.

Telling lies is a bit like tiling bathrooms - if you don't know how to do it properly, it's best not to try.

American-style iced tea is the perfect drink for a hot, sunny day. It's never really caught on in the UK, probably because the last time we had a hot, sunny day was back in 1957.

Love is an optical illusion that makes you believe the object of your affection is the most beautiful person in the world.

Everything is out there if you know how to find it, and have the patience. I don't and haven't, but that's my problem

Not only had he lost the only girl he'd ever loved, he'd lost her in duplicate, like some heartbroken but highly efficient civil servant.

It was irritating to have one's physical shortcomings pointed out quite so plainly twice in one evening, once by a beautiful girl and once by a dying badger.