Poetry is one of the few nasty childhood habits I've managed to grow out of

In spite of really intense competition for the job, I'm still my own worst enemy.

At any given time, ninety-nine-point-nine-five per cent of the human race are a confounded nuisance

I don't read the Sunday papers; or the dailies, either

New technology is useful, but it's inefficient and ugly; it knows it'll be obsolete by lunchtime tomorrow, so it has no incentive to be anything else

It was irritating to have one's physical shortcomings pointed out quite so plainly twice in one evening, once by a beautiful girl and once by a dying badger.

Telling lies is a bit like tiling bathrooms - if you don't know how to do it properly, it's best not to try.