Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

I wasn't really a performer by temperament.

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!

There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant.

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here