Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.

People are stupider than anybody.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.