Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now - to quote myself at my most pretentious - is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.

From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

I'm not tempted to write a song about George W.Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. And that's not funny.

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.