I walked 500 miles just to see a halo, when I opened my eyes I was blind as can be.

If people are a little nervous about approaching you at the market, it's good. I'm not Chuckles The Clown. Or Bozo. I don't cut the ribbon at the opening of markets. I don't stand next to the mayor. Hit your baseball into my yard, and you'll never see it again.

Come down off the cross, we could use the wood.

Bill Hicks - blowtorch, excavator, truthsayer, and brain specialist. He will correct your vision. Others will drive on the road he built.

I’ve never met anyone who made it with a chick because they owned a Tom Waits album. I’ve got all three, and it’s never helped me.

On my gravestone, I want it to say, "I told you I was sick."

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.