I can't think of a bigger waste of police time than chasing somebody who has said something offensive on Twitter.

People are always surprised at what a nice guy I am.

There are a handful of barbecue seafood shacks on the beach at Hat Nai Yang, which is a fabulous place to have dinner. It's very much run for locals and they serve the catch of the day, which might be lobster, white snapper or squid. It's ridiculously reasonable, too.

I've been visiting Thailand for more than 20 years but didn't fall in love with it until I visited Phuket Town in Phuket. The northern part of Phuket is one of the most fascinating places I've ever been, and largely unspoilt and unknown.

The British - who rarely start a fight, but always know how to finish it - have nothing to be ashamed of.

My parents have been dead for many years, and when your folks are gone there is nobody standing between you and eternity.

The tattooed nation will live to regret this voluntary disfigurement.