My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

Make your judgments and then you don't have to worry about it. You're always going to have those people who are offended about every little thing.

Having a daughter makes you see things in a different way. This is my only girl. So I don't care what it takes to protect her. You can call it what you want to call it. As long as you treat her the same way I treat her, like my princess, I don't mind.

I think the word 'pregnant' is funny.

I want to let my fans know I love them and I'm coming your way and I'm bringing truckloads of funny.

Stand-up and comedy is the place where we are supposed to be able to make fun of all of the world's ills.

Bones heal, but the loss of my friend will never heal.