Fame doesn't matter. Money doesn't matter. Those things are forever fleeting. I just want to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, so that when I'm long gone my great-great-grandchildren can walk up to it and say, "That's my ancestor." That will be my legacy.

I never wanted the ha-ha-ha laughter [at my shows]. I always aimed for the gut. I always aimed for the pretty girls in the front row, laughing and leaning over and pooting.

My father was the role model I looked up. My dad was an entertainer, too. I patterned my life after him. He wanted me to do better than he did. He never sold a record in his life, but to me he was still a rock star.

I touch on sex in my stand-up and it's funny, because when I talk about sex from an adult point of view, people cringe. But if I talk about war or killing, people laugh. So it's sick. It's really demented.

I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

I'm very giving. Even if it's for nonsense, I'll give it to you.

Reality is the scary thing. Not my work, not comedy.