Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.
You get somebody to crack a smile, that's a beautiful thing.
Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.
Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day.
I can't watch American Idol... it's like karaoke without the booze.
When I do stand-up... I get to do whatever I want to do. There's no boundaries. You'll get to know me. You'll leave with a piece of me.