I am no longer married, so ladies... there you go.
I caught on fire twice on the stage, but I was promptly put out. It was just my leg
Life is like breakfast: you just mix all ingredients 'cause in your stomach it will all come together.
Why are there no clouds in the sky? ... 'Cause God wants to watch his favorite band again!
You just can't pull out the gun and blow the TV away anymore 'cause the baby might be sleeping.
I'm not exactly sure how many kids I have, but yes, I do miss them officially, for the record. In case any of them are listening, I love you.