Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.

You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.

A lot of people think that since I'm drunk in my stories, I must be drunk 24 hours a day. What kind of stupid logic is that? It'd be like if you saw Michael Jordan at a restaurant and were like, "Why aren't you in your basketball uniform?" I leave out way more than I put in.

The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.

Critics stopped being relevant when they stopped writing to inform and contextualize, and when they started writing to signal who they are, to display their identity by their stance on what they are writing about. Criticism should never be about the critic, but thats what it has become, and that’s why no one cares about them anymore.

I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.