Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.