I have no trouble with the twelve inches between my elbow and my palm. It's the seven inches between my ears that's bent.

Kids should practice autographing baseballs. This is a skill that's often overlooked in Little League.

We called Pete Rose and Larry Bowa the soup spoons, because they were always stirring things up. Twenty years later, nothing's changed.

What is the difference between astroturf and grass? I don't know, I never smoked astroturf.

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste.

I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf.

Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed.