No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention.

Why did the reindeer wear black boots? Because his brown ones were all muddy!

Women should not be enlightened or educated in any way. They should, in fact, be segregated as they are the cause of hideous and involuntary erections in holy men.

It takes a long time to grow an old friend.

Perfect happiness is a beautiful sunset, the giggle of a grandchild, the first snowfall. It's the little things that make happy moments, not the grand events. Joy comes in sips, not gulps.

If I could lick the sunset, I'll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream.

No one understands and appreciates the American Dream of hard work leading to.