Being well-mannered and gracious and kind are things that I value really highly.

I light candles. I meditate. And I don't believe in anything. By default I move simultaneously towards mysticism and atheism. It's not something that's ever going to get fixed.

But I know what it means to crave what you're not. To want to sew up that rift because it's exhausting to hold it open. Sometimes you just need to be someone else, someone who doesn't care about anything at all. I know I do. I want emptiness but I can't have it.

There's a big part of me that's atheist. There's a big part of me that's agnostic. And there's a big part of me that tends towards the mystic. The thing that I find is most important in all of that is to retain my sense of wonder and the idea that I don't actually know what's going to happen.

There doesn't seem to be a lot of stance from the outside of that world to disagree.

I was always face to face with total futility and powerlessness.

Some things are so sad that they have no name. I have tried to name them and I can't.