My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy.

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.

You see, my father was a Catholic priest, Greek Orthodox, but I think he started out as a Jew, then he became a Catholic priest.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.