I never lost a friend I wanted to keep.

She's been on more laps than a napkin.

Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.

Hell hath no fury like a woman cheated out of a million dollars.

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.

The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.

I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.