An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!
The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.
Hell hath no fury like a woman cheated out of a million dollars.
Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.
She's been on more laps than a napkin.