Here lies Walter Winchell in the dirt he loved so well.

Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation.

The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

We must not indulge in unfavorable views of mankind, since by doing it we make bad men believe they are no worse than others, and we teach the good that they are good in vain.

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.

The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.