I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.