I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.

I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me!

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.