I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?