I love watching people be totally committed in a very real way to stupid situations. I find it's not so much trying to be funny, it's trying to be real in a messed up context. That's comedy to me.

You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here.

Anyone who does anything creative is always gonna want to change.

I'm a really good swimmer.

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

I want to thank Jesus, and by Jesus I mean Jesus Hernandez, my bodyguard

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know