One of the challenges you will face is finding a job in our depressed economy, ... In fact, the chances of finding a job are about as good as finding weapons of mass destruction in the Iraqi desert -- slim and none, and slim just left the building.

But for fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye.... Get to know their name; that becomes important when you want something. And remember to feed them. That's about all you need.

I live by 'Earnin' and burnin'.' Meaning, I like to make money and spend it before I even have it. That's the way I live my life.

All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead.

I've never had a yard sale, ever, in my life. I don't know if I ever thought about stuff I would get rid of.

I'm professional, I'm allowed to say this. I let him lick my balls. So, that's what you need to get close with your animal.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.