I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably.

When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you’re forfeiting your humanity.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.

You are much more dependent on luck than you think. People say if you want to have a good relationship, you have to work at it. But you never hear it about anything you really like, about sailing or going to soccer games.