Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

A: Socrates is a man. B: All men are mortal. C: All men are Socrates.

Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.

You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.