I foresee death by culture shock.

Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.

If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.