I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.

In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.

Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention.