I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.

The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.

I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.