To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.

A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

No one ever wants the whole script. I give the whole script to people who require the whole script but to those people who don't require the whole script I don't give it to them and no one cares. They're relieved not to have to read extra pages that they're not in.

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.

I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.