Life is full of moments that are good - winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner - but the whole thing is tragic. It's an oasis that is very pleasant.

Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I myself don't like to speak to the actors at all. I like to hire great people and let them do their thing. I don't like to speak to them. I don't like to have lunch with them. I don't like to socialize with them. I don't like to hear their ideas.

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.

I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present.