In the event of war, I'm a hostage.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.

I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.

Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.