God is either cruel or incompetent.

I read in self-defense.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.

Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.

In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.

Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.