I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.

Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.

Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit!