I’m going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It -- with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead.

I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. ­

I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.

The only love that lasts is unrequited love.

In the event of war, I'm a hostage.