Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it."

The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?