Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it."

I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.

Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health.

I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Humorists always sit at the children's table.