How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.

I've never been satisfied or even pleased with a film that I've done. I make them, I'm finished, I've never looked at one after. I don't like them because there's a big gap between what you conceive in your mind when you're writing and you don't have to meet the test of reality. You're home, you write and it's funny and beautiful and romantic and dramatic, and then you have to show up on a cold morning, and you don't have enough of this and this goes wrong and you make the wrong choice on something and you screwed up and you can't go back.

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.

I want to return to the womb, anyone's.

What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously — but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself.