Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

In the event of war, I'm a hostage.

People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.