Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life.

90% of success in life is showing up

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.

I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.

I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.

What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.