The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I'm writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.

If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.

Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong.