I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.

When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

You use sex to express every emotion except love.