The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.

Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.