When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.

I hope you're getting this down.

I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.