I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.