This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brotherโs crazy. He thinks heโs a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why donโt you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess thatโs pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know theyโre totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.
Woody AllenI can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.
Woody AllenWhat advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
Woody AllenThere's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
Woody Allen