The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.

You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out

The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.