The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.

I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude.

When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him?

I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.

Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.

Usually, you hire people that you think are wonderful.